LOVEppears

　　　　　　　　　1.Supposing the Situation
　She lost love -- to avoid misunderstandings, I must write first of all that she never professed it, nor I have some certain information of it. It's only my supposition. But, as I try to interprete her lyrics and know her words and deeds of those days more, I come to think it's certain. Firstly, let us pick up the phrases from among the single songs released in those days.
　Oct.1998　I like to sleep with relief
　　　　　　That I am with you　　("For My Dear")
　Dec.1998　Our story
　　　　　　Which has just started
　　　　　　Is filled with anxiety and hope　　("Depend on you")
　Feb.1999　No one noticed us, but the season I was looking forward to is passing
　　　　　　As I think it was not only I who wished to be together　　("WHATEVER")
　Apr.1999　But I am proud of myself more than anyone
　　　　　　That we spent the days together with truth　　("LOVE〜Destiny")
　Aug.1999　In the season of blue sky
　　　　　　And a scent of summer
　　　　　　I remember the profile　　("monochrome")
　　　　　　If I had ever
　　　　　　Said something
　　　　　　It should not have been the starting
　　　　　　With the ending being in sight　　("End roll")
　Don't you think the course of love described in these phrases is very clear?
　Secondly, around the release of the maxi-single "A" (in August 1999), she felt she was at a deadlock and was going to quit. She herself told that the song "too late" put into "A" had been the confession of such feelings and the good-bye message to her fans ("GIRL POP" Dec. 1999). Many people were surprised to know that and supposed what had driven her into a corner in fact. The four principal suppositions I saw on internet are as follows.
　�@ The demand for making positive songs
　�A The enlargement of the image of "Hamasaki Ayumi"
　�B The distance between her and her fans
　�C The aversion for the situation that she had to make lyrics one after another
　I think any of them is weak as the cause of a deadlock. As to �@, it's certain that she had been troubled with the problem when creating her first album, but she must have already found her answer by that time, as I had written before. On the other hand, it wasn't before the release of the second album that she was clearly conscious of the problem of �A. (It became one of the main themes of her third album "Duty".) And as to �B, it's quite doubtful whether she perceived it before holding a standard concert. (So she was going to quit without experiencing it !) �C sounds true to some extent, but it's not imaginable that she would give up singing only by the reason. Don't you think we can persuade ourselves at length by adding one more reason to it, the personal affair of her losing love?
　Moreover, please look at the album title "LOVEppears". Don't you think it's very queer? According to the public explanation, it means the things like love. But, to express this meaning only, it's enough to name as "Love in Appearance", or, more simply, "Looks like Love". Why did she make such a coined word? -- I suppose she had wanted to cross out "A", in other words, one more meaning of "A was lost" was hidden behind the title.

　　　　　　　　2. Supposing the Situation (continued)
　Mostly because of the reasons above, I think it very much likely that she experienced losing love then. Still I can't assert it's 100 percent true. So I would like to go on under the supposition that it was a fact.
　Supposing it was a fact -- she must have been in quite severe circumstances at the very beginning of 1999. I'm not going to search who was her lover, but, considering that her lyrics of those days are quite serious, it's supposed she loved earnestly and was hurt so much. On the other hand, she had made all her efforts to create the first album, putting as many as fifteen lyrics into it unsparingly, there would have been almost no stock. What to do then? The three choices would have crossed her mind.
　�@ Take a rest telling that it has become impossible to write a lyrics
　�A Write a fiction
　�B Write her thoughts and feelings honestly as she had been doing
　She could not choose �@. She had resolved to do everything for her life at her debut, completed the first album with much efforts, and was just going up the stairs to success. If she had gone down then, she couldn't have forgiven herself. And it was also impossible to choose �A. She had not written a fiction from the first, nor done the training of it. She wouldn't have known how to write it. (But, maybe because of such inner demand, she wrote her first fiction a little time later, which was "Boys & Girls".) There was no way but to choose �B after all, and I think the songs written through the process were "WHATEVER","LOVE〜Destiny"and the four songs of "A".
　But, easy as it is to write like this, can you imagine how hard it was in fact? Making songs showing own hurt of mind before it's cured is just like widening own wound. (Because to write is to fix and amplify the emotions.) And, as she is a singer of course, she must sing them and do acting in promotion videos. Was there anyone who did such before her?

　　　　　　　　3. Consideration of "A"
　The four songs put into the maxi-single "A" are, I think, divided into two groups by content. "monochrome" and "End roll" are the confession of the experience of losing love. And "Trauma" and "too late" are the expression of the daily suffering that she must make songs even from such a bitter experience. ("What a foolish thing I'm doing !") Then, what is the difference between "Trauma" and "too late"? I think it's the difference of her way of facing the suffering expressed and recognized by her. Let us observe more closely.
　"Trauma" is the most unusual and uncommon song in this album, which would be mainly by three characteristics below.
　�@ All made of conceptions
　�A Express the suffering
　�B And that affirm it
　And I feel �B particularly strange. Is it her true intention?
　A happy face today, a sad face today
　If the wound healed yesterday has opened today
　Who can you show it to? I want to show it to the person　　("Trauma")
　I remember that when creating the first album, she put many emotions which are commonly thought as negative into her songs. Sorrow, pain, anxiety, solitude... she had affirmed all the emotions born inside her so long as they were not immoral. So she affirmed suffering, too, maybe. But was it really all right? I can't help thinking that she forced herself very much then. (About half a year later, she added the fourth uncommonness to this song by arranging a para-para dance. Dancing to "Boys & Girls" would be OK, but what is it dancing to "Trauma"! )
　So, the lyrics of "too late" comes to my ear more naturally.
　The world is starting to go around reversely
　Only the acceleration is increasing
　When I noticed, it was dark under my feet
　And I was standing at the edge of a cliff　　("too late")
　Her motto of writing lyrics was to write her thoughts and feelings honestly, which she came to feel effective and suitable for her with confidence while creating the first album. But, by what reason is it to feel suffering in writing and pressed for time every day? Would like to stop now and fly far away from here. -- I think this lyrics reflects such a wish of escape very well. In other words, she betrays weakness plainly in "too late" in contrast to "Trauma".
　And then, you will notice that the difference of her way of facing the object between "Trauma" and "too late" is just as same as that of "monochrome" and "End roll", as the table below.

Her way of facing Recognized object	Be not defeated (a strong self)	Admit defeat (a weak self)
Losing love	monochrome	End roll
Suffering	Trauma	too late

　I don't know whether she had held a table like this in her mind. I suppose so, as it's quite symmetrical, but she might have written without being conscious of it. Anyhow, I think it certain that she had wanted to express by the four songs all that was inside her then, as she named the title of this maxi-single "A". (When "monochrome" was put into the album, one idea was added to -- to cut off the music just after the last phrase, suggesting the opposite meaning. I think it shows straight which was her real intention.)
　And, what surprises me most is that her lyrics were not in disorder at all and kept high level in such crisis. Even in "Trauma", which is the most uncommon song full of conceptions, the words are accurate and to the point. Possible as it is that she could write these lyrics just because she had made up her mind to quit, I admire that.

　　　　　　　4. Trials for the Outside
　A person who looks inside without fear -- Hamasaki Ayumi. I think that she doesn't know of phycoanalysis maybe, but that her trials were quite similar to phycoanalysis therapy, especially in writing the four lyrics above. Phycoanalysis therapy is to cure a mental disease by getting a person recognize clearly what is suffering him. In the inner crisis, she became a doctor herself and tried to save herself. The songs made in order to save oneself naturally have the power of saving the others who have the same kind of suffering. This is the reason why her songs can heal many people who can't be healed by what is called the healing music. (Though she doesn't seem to notice the principle.)
　But phycoanalysis therapy has one defect that trying this to a person when he doesn't have the power of accepting the truth will bring him the counter results. We can't say we should go down the inside at any time or as deeply as possible. Her unconscious, perceiving it at that time, seemed to start urging her to look outside more. I think the songs made through the process are "Boys & Girls", "immature" and "Fly high". Let us look in order.
　"Boys & Girls" is the song which invites teenagers to love, even if it can't escape from tricks or betrayals. A very good song, bright and lively, released in July 1999. I suppose this song became a saving for her then. This is the only song among all of three original albums that she doesn't appear in. I think it's the only fiction she has ever written. (Then, I may be asked how about "appears". But I suppose the song includes her private experiences.)
　Listening to the song "immature", I naturally image Shibuya 109 (a famous building cantaining many fashion shops), for she once told in some program that she had often been there around the time she had stopped to work as an actress, and even her sitting place outside the building was fixed. She might have been near 109 one day and have seen some other girl sitting where she had been before. But it doesn't matter whether the background of this song is 109 or not. Sympathy including sorrow for the boys and girls who are wandering around a city aimlessly and having emptiness in their minds though behaving cheerfully outwardly, as she herself used to be. She used the first person word "boku" (usually for male) for the first time in this song. I think it shows that this song is personal and, at the same time, for many contemporaries. There are only two songs in which she calls herself "boku" in this album, this song and "Fly high".
　"Fly high" is a "fly away" song as well as "too late", but the motive and purpose of the flying is directly opposite, as in "too late" she wished to escape in despair from the place she was in, while in "Fly high" she is leaving for a new place with hope. But I cannot imagine where the new place was, what she would like to throw away and what to gain then. As this song was made after "A", she might have felt spiritual uplift reconsidering to continue singing. A dynamic and encouraging song. She tried rap for the first time in this song, with success.

　　　　　　　　5. "TO BE" and "kanariya"
　I would like to refer to the two songs which I haven't yet refered to but are quite impressive.
　"TO BE" is a song of gratitude for Mr. Matsuura, who found her out and led her to the debut as a singer. It shows her morality and modesty very well, that she is a person who can thank naturally for someone's goodwill. But isn't it too modest in fact? She call herself "a junk" and says definately "Without you, nothing happened". Is it right?
　It's true that if she hadn't met Mr. Matsuura by chance and been looked after by him, she couldn't probably make her debut. It's right in this sense. But how about after that? Without her own talents and efforts, she couldn't have been popular, couldn't found support nor succeeded with the sales of more than one million copies of the first album. However much Mr. Matsuura assisted her, however strongly avex trax advertised her, she must have been forgotten after two or three singles. (Such singers are so many.) But she doesn't think so. She thinks that her talents and efforts were a little compared to the assists and efforts of Mr. Matsuura and the other staff. From where does this low self-estimation or lack of self-confidence come? -- I think it comes from her experiences in infancy, as I had written before.
　The other day, in a radio program, a person, who had taken care of many child abuse cases, told that any abused child doesn't blame his parents, but blames himself. (How painful it is!) Of course she wasn't an abused child. But it's said generally that a child who wasn't loved in his infancy is apt to have low self-estimation. This would apply to her case. Unhappy experiences in her infancy made her moral and modest and, at the same time, an introversive person talking with herself and a perfectionist judging herself always severely. These characters are connected so closely within her that it's quite difficult to pick up just one character and make it change.
　I can never be perfect, but will shine with distorted lights　　("TO BE")
　A painful and beautiful phrase that no one but she can write. I think "TO BE" shows directly what she is like, and is placed at the center of this album.
　In contrast to this, "kanariya" is a strange and mysterious song. No doubt it's a great song, but it's not clear what she means. Who is "kanariya" in fact? I have supposed in two ways.
　�@ She in the past. (Maybe in her infancy.) And also unhappy children who live suppressing their emotions as she used to be. I notice "kanariyatachi" is the plural form. And I feel this lyrics has a close relation to that of "A Song for XX" and "immature".
　�A She at that time. Expressing her suffering, she made it to be remained after she would quit. In other words, it was written for the same purpose as "too late".
　I think �@ is more possible, but I cannot exclude the possibility of �A, considering that she made it a secret song. If only she had put a little more information ・・・

　　　　　　　　6. Joy of Music, Suffering of Lyrics
　We can't forget the charm of the music.
　Speaking of melody first, it can be said this album is a treasure box of melody, which may even cause suspicion why so many good ones are gathered into. Especially Mr. Nagao (D.A.I), who had newly joined the composing staff, had written many novel melodies and raised the value of this album very much. In which points? -- For example, "Trauma" is a song in minor key which should commonly end with La, and "Boys & Girls" is a song in major key which should commonly end with Do, but both end with Mi in fact. While "Fly high" and "too late" end with Do, their last phrases are not those which should commonly come last. In other words, these melodies lack the definate conclusions. (Lack "ketsu" of "kishoutenketsu" in Japanese.) And, owing to this characteristic, the melodies as a whole come to have not only unbalanced feeling but continuing, floating and even flying feelings. I think it's a unique and excellent sense of composition.
　The arrangements of this album are much different from those of the first album, too. The strong, hard beat makes the spirits of listeners high even under pressure. Arrangements in the first album played a roll of supporting and enhancing her songs from beginning to end, while in this album, the arrangements get more independent, compete with her songs and make one world of music together with them. Attach to, be apart from, interrupt lightly, arouse presentiment of emotions... various musical ideas are carries out, and I think most of them are effective and successful. (Especially I admire the interlude part of "immature" and "End roll", the accompaniment part of "too late" which arouse the image of banked wings, and the soft and confortable chord progress of "kanariya".) It's of course the achievement of each arranger and musician, still it can also be said as a whole that the delicate sense of beauty of the Japanese is reflected well.
　But, while the music is filled with musical joy and pleasantness in this way, the lyrics are filled with suffering and sorrow. (The songs we can call bright are "Fly high" and "Boys & Girls" alone.) So, those who listen to this album would feel their hearts are shaken hard. Or, what is more, might feel their hearts are attacked hard. (When I listened to it for the first time, I felt so.) What should we call an album which shakes and attacks the hearts of listeners so hard? -- Should call it a highly artistic album, I think.

　　　　　　　　7. Total Estimation
　How can we express the difference between the first album and the second album in short words? I feel as follows. -- In the first album, there was an invisible, thin film between her and the reality, while in the second album, it has disappeared. And in the first album, she seemed to write lyrics having some reserve, while in the second album, she is making every efforts as far as she can.
　I think the period of creating the second album was a time of trial especially for a lyrics writer, Hamasaki Ayumi. She encountered an actual obstacle, couldn't write such lyrics as she had written before, worried about which kind of lyrics she should write, and did many trials and errors. But, how became the lyrics written in worry and perplexity in this way? -- They became more excellent than those of the first album, which is so surprising. In the first album, there were some unnatural parts owing to the process that the lyrics had been written after the melodies, but there is not any in this album. I hear that all the lyrics but "appears" were written after the melodies, but they are so much in a body that I can hardly believe it. (I'd like other lyrics writers to follow her.) And there is no more girlish mood as felt in the first album (which means the end of her adolescence at the same time), and the words, chosen out more thoughtfully, has acquired universality and the appealing power to the hearts of a lot of people, not only of adolescents. In the works at least, she overcame the trials and obstacles admirably.
　I've seen someone's writing at BBS in a certain site that when he had bought "A Song for XX", that he had been surprised at its completeness but, at the same time, been afraid that she would never create the album better than that. If I had bought "A Song for XX" when released, I would have thought just like him. But she created the album better than that, which is really surprising. Of course many staff were concerned with the creation of this album. She never created it all for herself. But it can be said that just because her talents and personalities were at the center, the composers offered excellent melodies, the arrangers did excellent arrangements, and the musicians gave excellent performances. (She put fifteen lyrics into this album after all, equally to the first album. Thirty lyrics in total. It means that the lyrics commomly enough for about three albums were put into two albums in a concentrated way.)
　So, lastly, which position does this album "LOVEppears" completed in this way hold in the history of popular music? -- As far as I know, I can't recall any Japanese albums similar to it. The album I associate with most naturally is "Sgt. Peppers". I think this album is on the same musical, artistic level with that album, which is said to be one the best in the history of popular music.


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