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　　　　　　　　　　　　　A Song for XX

　　　　　　　　1.Supposing the Situation
　Hamasaki Ayumi released her first single "poker face" from avex trax on April 8 1998, and made her debut as a singer. What circumstances was she under and how was her mental state then? Let us pick up the part from the interview.
　Well, I hardly felt the joy of music then. As you know, I entered, left and came back again to the show business world, experienced failure once. So I thought I would do everything for myself this time, and then not blame anyone if I should fail again. I took such great care over my appearance, clothes and make-up, and not just music. I took so much care over my visual side that I almost lost sense of being a singer....(omission)... I thought that it was for once in my life, that I should never do it like that in the future. I worked terriblly hard, really forgot enjoying. And choosing clothes mattered as much to me as making sounds, writing lyrics and singing.　　("ROCKIN' ON JAPAN")
　There is a phrase "to challange a fight for once in my life" in a song "SIGNAL", and we see it wasn't an exaggerated expression at all. People might see it was merely a debut of another new idol singer, but she had resolved to make efforts for her life. "Not to blame anyone if I should fail again" -- there was always this thought in the hidden side of her perfectionism, which is often remarked, and I think it can be told basically as the same even now. She said the reason of the resolution was that she had experienced failure once, but I would like to add one more reason -- the lack of self-confidence.
　What, in fact, did she have when she made her debut as a singer? She had little interest in music and didn't like singing much. She seemed to have written some poems or so, but she was half in doubt whether they could be used as lyrics. She must have thought she had almost nothing and felt really inferior to other singers and groups, who had already experienced writing lyrics, compositions, band activities before their debut in their school days. The sailing out with much anxiety and a little hope.-- But she didn't notice that she had a clear, beautiful singing voice and, what is more, a rich talent of words. The talent had been sleeping in the unconscious, only a part of which she was conscious of, and if she had not made her debut as a singer, might have continued sleeping. I think it would have been very likely, had that been the case.

　　　　　　　　2. Excellent Lyrics
　A rich talent of words -- but what is it if we say more definately? I think it is "the talent of knowing many words and choosing the words from among them which is suitable for what he likes to express." Her lyrics are written in simple words, and you may think that, at first glance, anyone can do like her easily. But that's wrong. The easiest way to confirm that it's wrong is, for example, to pick up any phrase from the lyrics of this first album and try to think out another phrase which has the same meaning and is more excellent. I don't assert it's absolutely impossible, but you will find it very difficult. You will realize how thoughtfully she chose out the words.
　And, what is more surprising, all these lyrics were written after melodies. If you listen to this album without such information, most of you would think the opposite. There are, of course, some parts which you may feel a little unnatural due to the process, but they are a few on the whole. From a viewpoint of the harmony of lyrics and melody, too, this album reaches high level. And the song I admire most in particular is "A Song for XX". I sense not only her talent and luckiness but even invisible help in the encounter of this lyrics and this melody. (I suppose she would feel the same way.) A great song, I think.

　　　　　　　　3. Positive and Negative
　After the lyrics of "POWDER SNOW" she added a short message -- "Negative = bad thing? It's I who affirm. It's also I who negate." We can see that she was told to make positive songs then, and she made this song with a kind of repulsive feeling against it. Well, then who demanded her to make positive songs for what purpose? As I don't know the detailed situation of those days, I have imagined two cases.
　One case is that the sponsor companies demanded her in order to induce consumers to buy their products more. All her single songs of those days were used as the commercial songs or the theme songs of TV programs. I suppose that she, just starting her activity as a new singer, couldn't object to their intentions. But the demand was only for single songs, so it's said that, in this case, she could write other songs for the album as freely as she liked to. (Later, either positive or negative song became used as a commercial song. The funniest example is Morinaga's Kongari Chocolat commercial song "End roll". Reverse of the power relation?)
　The other case is that the staff around demanded her not to betray the image of "a girl living on positively", as it was formed by the first two or three single songs and promotion videos. (She might be regarded as a successor of Mochida Kaori then.) I suppose this demand would have made her hesitate more, as she wished success and was afraid of failure strongly. But, after all, "POWDER SNOW" was written, put into the album, and her fans' messages that they were moved by the song reached to her afterwards. Her decision wasn't wrong.
　But, listening through this album now, I don't have the impression that this song is particularly different from the others. It's certain that this song alone has no hope, but I feel such difference is a small thing, considering the characteristic all the songs in this album have in common, which is that either positive emotions or negative emotions are pure. And I think this characteristic would be the main reason both for those who like her and those who dislike her. In other words, those who like her like her because the emotions put into the songs are pure, and those who dislike her dislike her also because the emotions put into the songs are pure. It's impossible to be liked by everyone.

　　　　　　　　4. Origin of Sorrow
　Positive songs and negative songs. But listening carefully, you will notice that the songs looking positive at first sight, such as "FRIEND","YOU","Trust","Depend on you", bear emotions of sorrow, pain, anxiety, self-reproach, solitude, and so on. (So we can say the classification of positive and negative is inadequate in fact.) This characteristic had appeared obviously in her debut single "poker face", though no one would have noticed then.
　It's always easy to cry, but I like to smile　　("poker face")
　This phrase looks very simple, but I think a common person doesn't write like this, for it's as same as saying "There are many days when I feel like crying". The common, likely phrase would be "Occasionally I feel like crying, but I like to smile" or so. A ray of hope in anxiety and solitude. (I think it is a very good song, but she doesn't seem to like it very much. Maybe it's because she couldn't have a real image on "you" only in this song.)
　And we can see this characteristic in the key, too. Excluding "Prologue" as it's an instrumental song, we find only four major key songs among fifteen. Even "SIGNAL", which has the most advancing lyrics, is in minor key. (So we feel the song as pathetic, rather than hopeful.) Why are her lyrics coloured in sorrow so much? -- I think there are mainly two reasons. One is her trauma of infancy I had already written about. She is pulled back to her basic state of mind, a cold and dark place, every time she is in trouble. And the other reason is -- the seeking mind for the fulfillment of life, which may sound paradoxically.
　Let us think about love. You would notice that even when you have a love or a lover, you experience complete happiness less than you had expected. You can't see her or his mind, and however tightly bound you think, the relationship may come to an end suddenly. And, once separated, you will never walk hand in hand with her or him. The more you love, the more such presentiment will mix in happiness with anxiety.
　Our story
　Which has just started
　Is filled with anxiety and hope　　("Depend on you")
　A precise phrase based on real experiences, I think. But many other songwriters writing fictions are, to the contrary, always classifying simply that love is joyful and losing love is sad. To sing out passionately, "I like you","I love you" is another old trick of them. But is it easy for us Japanese, who are not Americans, to say such words? (There is only one song, "poker face" among all her songs where the similar phrase is used.) They can easily say such words because they don't really seek love, while she doesn't say the words because she really seeks love. I think her lyrics can be defined as "the confession of mind by a person who make much of her own life".

　　　　　　　　5. Melody and Arrangement
　Each melody reaches a high level generally, keeping to the point. (Only the melody of "from your letter", I feel it as a little lower.) I hear that, when songwriting, she chose her favourite melodies from among forty or fifty prepared for her, and created lyrics in order to fit for them. It shows she has a very good ear for music and, at the same time, she was given a great chance when making her debut.
　Each arrangement is done carefully, confortable to the ear. Not showy at all, but I think they are all done thoughtfully in order to enhance her singing. (I like the guitar especially, which is reserved but sometimes shows high technique in playing.) And besides, "Prologue" written by Mr. Hoshino was added to, we can imagine thinking collectively that avex trax looked to her very much then, and each member of the staff made an effort to make this album better. I think naturally it was a matter of rejoicing, for a very excellent album was created thanks to them.
　Well then, how much part did she play to make this album excellent? As she is modest, she would most likely say that she hadn't done very much, but that it was completed thanks to the efforts and cooperation of many staff. But, looking cooly and objectively, I think it can be said that she played a large part. Because if we point out only one factor which makes this album special and striking, it must be the lyrics. We can find not a few excellent composers, excellent arrangers, excellent singers in Japan now. But excellent lyrics writers alone, we can hardly find. I feel that way.

　　　　　　　　6. Total Estimation
　Lastly, taking a generalized view, how can we describe this album?
　Turning over the lyrics leaflet, we find pictures are arranged as if to introduce a day in her life, from awakening in the morning to her returning home at night. And corresponding to it, the songs are also arranged almost in chronological order by content, from her infancy to the days she was in. It's of course right to call it an autobiographic album, as often said. But I would like to describe the characteristic more closely.
　She wrote most of the lyrics when she was nineteen. Considering that some phrases have a girlish mood, we would be able to regard her as been in the end of her adolescence. But it's quite unusual and uncommon. Because, generally speaking, adolescence is the period of great mental confusion when we can't find our own positions and definite sense of values, and even if we try to express our thoughts and feelings in the period, it's usual they can't be very good works. (Then why could she do it? It would be due to her unique, very introversive intelligence as I had written before.) I think this album can be described as "a quite rare album for once in which she expressed the thoughts and feelings of adolescence even in her adolescence."
　On January 1 1999, she released her first album "A Song for XX" with expectation and uneasiness, which ranked first for five consecutive weeks in Oricon Chart and recorded sales of more than one million copies. Quite a remarkable starting that she herself never had expected. I wrote "for once" a little time ago, but if her life had not changed a lot after that, her next album would have been the continuation of "A Song for XX". (I call it the second album not created.) But things went differently. The single song "WHATEVER" released in February that year was filled with suffering, as had never been before, and the second album released in November became much different from the first album in feature. Did something happened? -- I suppose that she lost love around this time, just before or after the release of her first album, and that the experience ended her adolescence unexpectedly and made her impossible to write such lyrics as she had written before.


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